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Literature Text
I stood still and
Descended to a world beneath
And felted to the tapestry
(My own)
Where there is no intention
Nor method, nor will
And the constant shifting people
Are not people
Husk full of life
Dusty breaths in joyous silence
Chittering notes to a slow and changing beat
Little boundless dance around and through me
Far below my woven threads
Of tight-spun lives--
With and far below
Descended to a world beneath
And felted to the tapestry
(My own)
Where there is no intention
Nor method, nor will
And the constant shifting people
Are not people
Husk full of life
Dusty breaths in joyous silence
Chittering notes to a slow and changing beat
Little boundless dance around and through me
Far below my woven threads
Of tight-spun lives--
With and far below
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I'm not sure what to say about this one. It was inspired by the Underworlds of my stories, but not entirely. I hope no one will ask me to explain the meaning of this poem, I have no idea and trying would ruin it for me.
Comments5
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Advanced encouraged hm?
I really enjoyed the enjambment in this piece, as it lends itself to metaphors that blend reality with dreamlike descriptions, but it somewhat lost its power with the lack of punctuation. I understand that this absence helps the flow of the work, but I do not believe the rhythm would be hindered by a semicolon or period here or there.
You probably did not do this on purpose (if you did, I give you mad props) but each of the 4 syllable lines outlines a different contrasting tone towards the subject of death and afterwards.
You stray from the classic "death" poetry by turning dark words into happier or peaceful phrases; usually, a poet will describe a living thing, and then its decay. The fact that you spun early "death language" into a tone of optimistic tranquility astounds me.
"Husk full of life / Dusty breaths in joyous silence"
Good.
The better you write, the more critiquing you get
I really enjoyed the enjambment in this piece, as it lends itself to metaphors that blend reality with dreamlike descriptions, but it somewhat lost its power with the lack of punctuation. I understand that this absence helps the flow of the work, but I do not believe the rhythm would be hindered by a semicolon or period here or there.
You probably did not do this on purpose (if you did, I give you mad props) but each of the 4 syllable lines outlines a different contrasting tone towards the subject of death and afterwards.
You stray from the classic "death" poetry by turning dark words into happier or peaceful phrases; usually, a poet will describe a living thing, and then its decay. The fact that you spun early "death language" into a tone of optimistic tranquility astounds me.
"Husk full of life / Dusty breaths in joyous silence"
Good.
The better you write, the more critiquing you get