Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Varied / Student Tedri25/Other/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 9 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 423 Deviations 2,119 Comments 11,462 Pageviews
×

Newest Deviations

I've been REALLY busy with school, activism, writing music, and drawing NSFW stuff I don't post on DeviantArt, so I haven't been posting things here much. My mental health hasn't been that great tbh...I started self harming a few months ago as an alternative to worse things. There's a lot of conflict in my life right now between what my parents expect of me and what I want to do with my life; despair at all that is happening in the world and to me personally versus hope that it can get better; struggling to communicate when the divisions between people are creating so much vitriol, so much hate, that talking to them makes me physically sick; feeling guilty for not being out there marching and feeling paralyzed with panic at the thought of going. Feeling like I have to choose between creating art and doing "real work" and trying to perhaps find a compromise without letting the "message" overpower and make the act of creation a chore. Feeling my identity shredded, every piece dissected and destroyed by people I've never even met in person. Feeling like if I am not working every second of every day to make things better, I am a burden to the others who are. Trying to take care of myself while feeling like even the most basic care is indulgent and lazy. Talking to counselors for months led to jack shit. I feel like I'm in quicksand and the best I can do is maintain the level I'm at; any lapse and I will sink further, and no matter how I fight I never seem to get any closer to escape. I'm terrified of the world, of the kind of hell I have to go through just to survive. And I find it harder and harder to believe that surviving is worth it. I've been here before. Over and over again since I was twelve years old I have come to this juncture and made a choice, and chosen to live. Just a little longer. Just to see what happens. And what has happened is the slow unfolding of the kind of horrific dystopia I hoped I would only read about. I am learning as much and as fast as I can about the world around me, and the more I learn the worse it gets. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare: the kind where you try to run, but your body won't move; you try to scream, but you make no sound. There is no waking up from real life.
  • Listening to: Delain
  • Reading: Too many Facebook posts
  • Watching: Undertale comic dubs
  • Playing: Dragon Quest
  • Eating: Pizza and salad every day, two meals a day
  • Drinking: Mountain Dew

deviantID

Arachnakid
Tedri
Artist | Student | Varied
United States
I have been part of the DeviantArt community since I was 15 years old, experimenting with different mediums and learning new ways to see the world around me. I'm a full time college student, hoping to major in either English or linguistics. I am an androgyne, and use they, them, their pronouns.
Interests

Groups

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconfreimgul:
Freimgul Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks for watching!
Reply
:iconarachnakid:
Arachnakid Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2016  Student General Artist
You're welcome! ^^
Reply
:iconhelle-de-gaard:
Helle-de-Gaard Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you for the fave =)
Reply
:iconfrencida:
frenciDA Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2015  Student General Artist
lol thanks for the new :+fav: XD
Reply
:iconfrencida:
frenciDA Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2015  Student General Artist
thenk you for the :+fav: h0I!! 
Reply
:iconnoniway:
Noniway Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
Thanks for the fave!!!
Reply
:iconthreehornsone:
ThreeHornsOne Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Admin: Let me thank you very much for the favs. :)
Reply
:iconarachnakid:
Arachnakid Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2014  Student General Artist
You're welcome! ^^
Reply
:iconthreehornsone:
ThreeHornsOne Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Admin: :)
Reply
:icontreyva:
Treyva Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2014
Thank you for the Favorite.
Reply
Add a Comment: